So I take another sip of tea and slowly enjoying and fully feeling the subtle taste of green tea. It is my usual first tea in the morning and the warmth of it relaxes my inner world. I take a deep breath and I smile. I smile even if I don’t feel like it and even if I have a million things on my mind right now. That is why I am sitting down at my computer right now: to gather my thoughts and put them on paper (or virtual paper in this very case)
I know and feel how life is coming towards me, rolling its big wave of actions and ideas and events. For this reason I need to stay grounded and I need to find myself before the wave will tumble my thoughts or even drown them.
I will open the window to let my thoughts run around freely and to allow the oxygen to make me feel more alive.
Now everything is setup to start loosen up my box of thoughts and let them flow out one by one and hopefully by facing them I will rediscover myself and I will learn who I am and I will allow me to love myself more for who I really am.
I am not sure why it feels so hard to start this; it is like something is holding me back even if I know I have so much to say to myself.
Oh aren’t we all so good with coming up with excuses whenever we actually just don’t want to do something? What we are doing there is that we are just lying to ourselves because nobody cares if you really feel too tired to go to the gym or if you were really too busy to start that new project of yours. That is true, nobody cares and you should be the only one who cares enough to make you just wake up and rip out your procrastination bubble and start doing something about it.
We are all sick of this “delaying tasks” and “finding reasons” every single day of our lives. Ok, maybe not all of us but at least I’ve never met a person who doesn’t do that. From the moment you hit the snooze button in the morning throughout the daily routine until you tell yourself that you will watch one more thing on your phone late in the night instead of having enough sleep.
I am aware I don’t have the time and the energy to actually implement them all my ideas but I should at least find time to invest start the ones that are more important for me. And by that I mean the ones that make me happy too.
I was always a creative person and had hobbies that made me believe I have a purpose, and they were activities that made me happy. I was so eager to spend all my free time doing just that. Certainly, I do want to answer my questions and I do want to be fair to myself. I also want to find out what I want to do and what makes me happy, and I mean truly happy.
I love reading and this also takes a large share of my time. Every time I finish reading another book, I am so happy because I learned something more or I went trough another story. I also practice yoga and meditation helps me many times. I even have friends telling me that I am too Zen sometimes. It is not the case, but in a world where everybody is in a rush for something, they don’t even know exactly what but they know they are in a hurry and they don’t have time to waste, I am probably more in the “now” than them. It is sad when people don’t allow themselves some time to appreciate the sunset or just gaze at the sky.
“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great”
by Zig Ziglar
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